This Just In

July 30th, 2015 · General Detritus

Windows 10 has been released. It sucks.

Anyway, that’s what I read on the internet.

According to the reviews I’ve read so far, Windows 10 could suck the ugly off of an ape and still have enough negative pressure to suck a bowling ball flat.

I don’t want one.

Thank you.

I’m operating a hamburger stand, these days. That’s why I don’t post more often than I have. That and there’s nothing to tell anymore. Apple is kicking the tech industry’s collective ass. When everybody figures that out the stock will triple in value.

I’m serious.

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A Few Words about Microsoft

May 17th, 2015 · General Detritus

As a resident of Washington State, I think it’s important that Microsoft remains a successful enterprise. Microsoft doesn’t seem evil anymore. Have you noticed? Back in the 80s and 90s, they were evil. Around Y2k, they were still satan, but the luster was beginning to fade a little. In 2006, when Vistasucks hit the streets as the replacement for the long-awaited “Longhorn,” they stopped being evil and became, well, comical. The viral video of sweaty armpits jumping around on stage shouting “developers, developers, developers,” locked in “comical” as their new reality for a long time.

There was Longhorn that never saw the light of day. It was replaced by Vistasucks. Vistasucks was universally despised. This was the big stuff.

Nobody remembers Microsoft’s attempts at mobile operating systems during the early part of the century. They sucked. Little brick phones with crappy versions of Windows, styluses, and slide-out keyboards. They didn’t do much, and what little they did required a manual to navigate and operate. Then they did all those things poorly at best. I had one. Surprisingly, I can’t find a picture.

Zune. Remember the first iPod killer? It squirted songs. Welcome to the social? You could get a brown one. Brown.

Then there are the failed attempts to enter the smartphone market with hardware and software that nobody remembers. There is a version of Windows for phones, still. Right now. Of course, you probably didn’t know that Giggles the Pig is running for mayor of Flint Michigan against two City Councilmen who have pled guilty to felonies, either. So, there’s that.

Then there’s Microsoft’s odd naming convention for their operating system. At first there were version numbers. Very normal and ordinary. Then there was Windows 95, Windows CE, Windows ME, Windows NT, Windows XP, then almost Longhorn, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, and now Windows 10. No nine. None.

But now, Microsoft isn’t really comical anymore. They’ve just gotten to be “not terribly noticeable.” And that’s sad, particularly when you see all the ads they put on TV about their tablet thingy. They’re paying a lot of money to have Russell Wilson promote the Surface. They have the Microsoft logo and SURFACE in big letters all over everything on the sidelines. And you can still hear TV talking heads call it an iPad.

It’s tragic.

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News. Okay, not really.

May 8th, 2015 · General Detritus

I’ve been slack. I just haven’t been doing anything. It’s all because of the Watch. Apple is selling them as fast as they can make them, and the punditbots can’t even look up and say, “Damn, that thing is working.” The punditbots have to put a negative spin on the Watch. I’m sorry, but it’s so damn dumb, I can’t even make fun of it. The Macalope makes fun of it. He gets paid to do that. I don’t envy him a whit. I’m sure he gets paid well enough to make up for the pain, but, DAMN.

So, I’ve decided to break out into a new direction, at least for today. Tesla. I’m a Tesla stockholder. I’ve been in for about two-ish years. It’s been a good run. Elon Musk just announced their new product. It’s a home battery that saves the power you collect from your photovoltaic (solar) panels. You can do that anytime you want to already.

I have a friend who’s been doing just that since the late 80s. He has PV cells charging golf-cart batteries to power his remote home, which is built mostly from SeaLand containers. He’s a wacko genius, but you can do it if you want to.

You just buy and install enough PV cells to generate all the energy you need, and then you buy and install enough golf-cart batteries to store as much electricity as your house will use overnight. It’s easy. All you have to do is figure out how many kilowatt hours your house uses while the sun is down, and how many batteries it will take, fully charged to provide that much electricity, and how many photovoltaics it will take to fully charge those batteries in the available hours of daylight. Then all you need are the appropriate voltage regulators and inverters to make sure your system charges and discharges properly and at the correct voltages and frequencies for your appliances. Anybody with an electrical engineering degree could do it easily. The rest of us will have to hire somebody.

The Tesla thingy does all that work for you. All you really have to know for sure is how much juice you need, and then buy the right number of thingies. If you guess low, buy more thingies. Not complex.

It’ll provide the energy to get a house off the electrical grid. That seems like a good idea to me.

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The Watch has Come

April 24th, 2015 · General Detritus

It’s out there. You can get one. Well, not you specifically, but some people have them. They’re Watches. If you’re one of the lucky few to get one, they rock. If you didn’t get yours then everyone who got one sucks. Apple sucks. America sucks.

If you’re a celebrity like, say, Neil Cavuto, who wasn’t one of the blessed, then all the people who got one are douchebags and Apple blows goats.

I didn’t get one. I don’t want one just now. I’ll get mine in a few months. At a certain age emanating coolness ceases to be a major motivator. I’m past that age.

I’m gonna get a big Sport.

WWDC is coming. Apple is going to introduce some awesome stuff this year. My source on the inside, Deep Somethingorother, tells me the next wave of Apple innovations is going to be earth shattering.

Apple TV will be improved. There will be an explanation of just exactly why you need Crackle. Also the Draft Beer channel be added.

There will be an iPod refresh, finally. The new iPod will be the size of a 312 hearing aid battery and will hold 128 Gb of music. It will be rechargeable and will actually power a hearing aid while playing continuously for 63.8 hours. It will automatically recognize and delete any track with the word “bieber” in any of the track information, including metadata.

The flying car is coming this summer. A little late for bikini season, but it’s coming this year. It will run on electricity generated from Apple’s solar arrays in California. Its batteries can also be recharged using the static electricity generated by stroking unicorn manes. Everybody who pays attention knows Apple has been working on a car lately. That’s what all the reports of camera-festooned vans have been about lately, after all. It’s going to fly.

The Apple car [ Car ] will be capable of delivering lobbyists to the Washington D.C. beltway at a rate sufficient to destroy Net Neutrality by the end of 2016.

I’m not at the Jazz Fest in New Orleans this weekend. That is not acceptable.

This is available for free on the street.

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Can’t Find My Way Home

April 19th, 2015 · General Detritus

I don’t know what’s going on. I’m lost. I’m confused. I’m starting to feel like I should walk naked into the woods to atone for the sin of having been born. Not really, but still. The stupidity is starting to get to me.

I was over on MacDailyNews. I always go there. They work really hard to make sure they report every word spoken about Apple on the innertubes. The site is maturing, though. That’s a little scary. It’s possible to read the comments now without the discussion degrading to “The Homophobic Racist Right” against “The Baby Killing Tax-and-Spend Left.” It’s only a matter of time before the site becomes a place where the comments are sparse and worthy of reading for more than sick entertainment.

Anyway, there was a thing on there about Yosemite being six months old. A new review. The comments make it sound like Yosemite sucks. It sucks compared to older versions of the operating system. Somebody in the comments called it Apple’s “Vista.” That’s not nice. I’d link the whole thing, but let’s be fair, you aren’t really interested or you wouldn’t be reading this in the first place.

Here’s the thing I want to know: What’s better than Yosemite that’s available right now? What current operating system is better than Yosemite that you can download and install on a currently viable computer? Windows? 7? 8.whatever? 10? Please.

Shut up.


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Zip. Flop.

April 17th, 2015 · General Detritus

Everywhere you look the Watch is a flop. I’ve been reading. All over the innertubes you can find stories that tell how Apple is screwed up because of the introduction of the Watch. A lot of the older stuff about how the device is technically inferior, ugly, useless, of no particular value has made its way forward into the modern vernacular, but it has been multiplied by the fact that there aren’t enough of the the nasty, useless things for everybody who wants to buy one.

So, to put this in perspective the  Watch suffers from two major problems:

  1. Nobody will want one.
  2. Apple didn’t make enough of them to satisfy demand.

Also, there is some bad science suggesting that it might cause cancer. No. Seriously. It’s out there.

You can’t recover from that.

Not to mention that it’s technologically inferior to the next version that will inevitably replace the current version.

Apple is doomed.


I’m not selling any shares of Apple.


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