Rip Ragged

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The Threat is Upon Us

March 11th, 2010 · General Detritus

The other tech companies have figured out how to attack Apple. They’re going to form consortia to attack individual products and services. I’ll confess I didn’t see this permutation coming.

Dell, Amazon, and Google are going after iTunes. Apparently the iTunes clone already exists somewhere on the innertubes. I’d go find it, but those calories are promised to something else. When I remember what it is, I’ll do that.

HP, Google, and Yahoo! are creating a better tablet. I couldn’t find the name of it.

It’s possible that my company groupings are in error.

I don’t care.

There will be meetings.

There will be conventions.

There will be strategy sessions.

Focus groups.

Critiques.

Representatives and delegates will fly from coast to coast. Many hours will be spent in teleconferences and videoconferences and retreats.

All these companies will exhaust millions of dollars in shareholder value.

All to improve the product so it will compete more effectively with Apple’s current product.

Steve Jobs will look at Apple’s next product and say, “That button doesn’t do anything useful. Lose it.” A few weeks later Apple will introduce the next thing all those companies need to compete with.

Apple wins.

Here’s the real rub. In every scenario you read about other tech companies wanting to compete with Apple, the companies are gathering in groups of two or three to do it.

{BUZZ} Still your turn.

A single company must assume total responsibility for the user experience in order to compete with Apple. The fact that they are forming consortia proves that they aren’t ready for that competition.

Apple wins.

The iPad might turn out to be a total POS. I’m willing to accept that possibility. If it is, the hue and cry will be deafening, and Apple will have no one to blame but Apple.

If one of these other products doesn’t measure up, it will simply disappear. There will be no accountability on the part of any player. Internally they’ll blame each other, but the products will just cease to matter.

Disadvantage: Apple, because Apple products don’t even have to fail to be called shitty in the marketplace. The AppleTV springs to mind.

The cool thing is, Apple’s been spotting the “competition” this edge since the introduction of the iPod. Apple’s been winning.

Yeah.

Double yeah.

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Rock On

March 9th, 2010 · General Detritus

I’m an optimist with my moon in cynic.

Everywhere you look these days, the pessimists seem to be taking over the discussion. I don’t dislike pessimists, I just dislike pessimism.

Politically, I believe that Barack Obama has allowed the Democrats and Republicans in government to finally show their true colors. They’re all more interested in personal gratification and in expanding their personal power than in doing anything at all positive for their constituents or the country as a whole. They’re all assholes.

All.

Assholes.

The thing is, this is a positive development. This could usher in a new era of government if enough people get pissed off at the incumbents.

I’m in.

If Obamacare dies, we will know for sure that the tipping point is here.

Obamacare may survive as a political vestige of its former self, but it won’t amount to much.

I’ve been warned that soon the dollar will crash. While I appreciate the heads up, my belief is that a dollar collapse will be about: Meh. The dollar hasn’t been worth a tinker’s shit for quite some time. An ounce of gold is selling for over $1000. One thousand pictures of George Washington for a single ounce of refined dirt.

Bah.

There’s a collapse coming? Beneath that?

Who cares?

I keep buying stock in American companies, mostly companies that pay dividends, because I believe the system has too many big players to just fold up shop. If it doesn’t fold up shop, it has to continue to have rules that protect those who play within the rules.

The learned men of the world know that they must have a working capitalist system to sustain the world and allow the idiots to have their communist and socialist fantasies.

In other words, the stock market will be fine.

Terrorism is becoming something of a farce. Threats from the stone age. Mainstream Muslims view terrorists the way mainstream Christians view people who murder abortion doctors. It’s like, “I agree with his politics, but there are better ways to get the job done. Murder is not Godly.”

Lots of Christians hate abortion, but we don’t advocate murdering the doctors. Yet there are morons out there, claiming to be Christians, blowing up abortion clinics and blowing abortion doctors away. That’s our form of terrorism.

Terrorism is stupid. To paraphrase a biblical quote, “The stupid you will always have.”

Over simplistic? Skipping over nuance? Okay.

Over and over and over I’ve seen the end times predicted in my half-century on the planet. So far the gloom and doom hasn’t come to pass.

Maybe someday it will.

Maybe right now all the stars have lined up and we’re all going to be doing forced marches into labor camps any minute now. If that’s the case, there’s no sense wasting any of this free time feeling dread. We might as well enjoy it while we have it.

I’m gonna have another beer.

Rock and Roll accordion: you must see it to believe it –

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Leave a Tender Moment Alone

March 7th, 2010 · General Detritus

If you get that right, everything else should be fine.

Let’s just leave it at that for tonight.

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This is Scary

March 4th, 2010 · General Detritus

I have a friend who just switched from an iPhone to a Droid. He likes it.

Dang.

Rumors are circulating about iPhone 4.0. The new features I’m hearing about are a little worrisome:

Multitouch-á-trois ultra will accept commands from as many as six independent fingers.

Leather cases will also have to include lace trim.

It will run a native version of Eudora.

Pull my finger.

Code name is: Siamese

You can’t make this stuff up, folks. I can, but you can’t. I mean, it’s my blog, after all.

Fortune named Apple, “World’s most admired company.”

They also named their cat, “Missy,” and their goldfish, “Herman.”

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iPad Killer

March 3rd, 2010 · Gadgetry, General Detritus, Lawsuits, Master Jobst Fimil

iPad Killer: 1,740,000 results on Google.

Meh.

Master Jobst Fimil’s biography is big news. I’ll buy a copy when it’s available. Other than that, I don’t think it’s going to change the world much.

Apple sues HTC over patent infringement. 20 patents are named. This is huge.

Among the patented technologies are:

The ability to see through walls

Faster than a speeding bullet

More powerful than a locomotive

Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound

Pull my finger

The ability to eat peanuts in oyster sauce with chopsticks

Seamless carpet installation

Slide guitar

Farts that smell like crisp bacon and rye toast with a splash of Tabasco® Sauce

Moët and Chandon, in a pretty cabinet

Let them eat cake, she says,

Just like Marie Antoinette

Personally, I think HTC is in trouble.

Snooki looks to me like a cross between a Beagle and a ninth grader who didn’t make the pep staff – except with smaller breasts.

But that’s just me.

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Gasbag alert

March 2nd, 2010 · Baseless Rant, Distant Flame Wars, Master Jobst Fimil, Punditbots and Fundtards

Raw Benderly is holding forth again over on TG Daily. Illustrating the time-honored adage that wise men speak when they have something to say; fools speak when they have to say something.

He asks the rhetorical question “Steve Jobs’ Biography: World Changing or Sugared Water.” Then he goes on to discuss the various different forms a biography appear in: tell all, random facts, glowing fiction, or lessons from life.

After that he advises His Steveness on which form would be best for him.

To wrap it all up, he offers a comment forum where readers may join him in mental masturbation by telling what they think the biography should be. Then they can all have a big, happy circle jerk of a flame war which will have less bearing on The Master’s Biography than Raw Benderly’s last BM.

Sadly, Mr. Benderly can’t even seem to generate a flame war anymore. Mostly, folks don’t even care enough about his writing to comment.

I put the link in because it seems like the charitable thing to do.

Beginning today, everybody who uses the term “cloud computing” should be jabbed repeatedly with a freshly sharpened number two pencil until they say, “internet-based computing.”

Unless the muttonhead also says, “i[something]Killer.” In that case sharpen up a few pencils and jab at will until the idiot is silent or leaves the building.

Remember last night I was talking about the Rolling Stone thing? I went to rollingstone.com to read their list of the 100 greatest guitar players of all time. Kurt Cobain made the list. Django Rheinhardt and Alex Lifeson did not. Roy Clark and Wes Montgomery were left out. Neil Young was on there. Jerry Reed? Nope. It’s absurd. It’s total crap.

It will probably be another long time before I read the RS. I can only imagine how out of touch it will be by then.

Apparently, if you want to be an Apple supplier you have to toe the line or it’s your ass.

The Academy Awards Show is this Sunday.

Here are my predictions:

Best Actor: I don’t give a damn.

Best Actress: Who cares?

Best Movie: One that didn’t get nominated.

What I’ll be doing: Not watching the Oscars.

What a waste of bandwidth.

Avatar is going to get piles of press. The trailers are cool. It looks like one fancy cartoon. I’ll never see it.

All this talk about guitar players has worn me out. How about a drummer….

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