I’m Late. So Sue Me.

October 22nd, 2014 · General Detritus

So anyway, Apple had an event last week. They introduced a 27″ 5k iMac. Once upon a time a 25″ NTSC Television was the centerpiece of the well-appointed American living room. I grew up in that era. My dear old Dad was a TV Repairman in those days.

I’m here to promise you that you could not stand to watch a football game on the best picture available in 1975. You certainly couldn’t watch it from across the room. Not after getting used to the HDTVs we currently watch.

Right now, 1080P is HD; 4k is way better than 1080P. Apple just introduced a 5K monitor than can probably (based on it’s 27″ diagonal measurement) be viewed comfortably from across a room. This is happening at the same time as some “traditionally” cable and broadcast content like CBS and HBO are moving to the innertubes with streaming content.

Hmmmmm.

Apple branded TV? How about Apple making traditional television obsolete?

What are those great big data centers for? Nobody ever answered that to my satisfaction. It seems like they’d be really good to have if you were going to start massively distributing content, even beyond what iTunes does already.

Apple announced record earnings for 4Q14. The stock price went up.

I sense a great disturbance in the force. It’s as though thousands of anti-Apple punditbots suddenly cried out and then were silenced. I fear something awesome has happened.

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Trip the Light Fandango

October 15th, 2014 · General Detritus

So. There’s an Apple event tomorrow. Rumor has it that there will be some mention of iPads.

I still have a first edition iPad. I bought it right after Jas brought hers over on a visit from college. I still want a new one. I’ll get there one of these days.

Anyway, the big event is tomorrow. The slogan is, “It’s been way too long.” I don’t know what’s been way too long about announcing an update to the iPad. Seriously. WTF?

I’ve tried and tried to come up with something that’s been way too long. Nothing useful springs to mind.

  • It’s been way too long since the weekend.
  • It’s been way too long since somebody else was paying the bills and buying the groceries.
  • It’s been way too long since Ronald Reagan was president.
  • It’s been way too long since there was a TV series worth watching (M*A*S*H).
  • It’s been way too long since there was a really great movie (The Outlaw Josey Wales).
  • It’s been way too long since I started this idiotic list.

Possible Apple is going to introduce something really, really new. I’ve seen the notion of an Apple branded television set bounced around.

Maybe Apple is going to get back into the printer business. That would be cool. An Apple branded printer probably wouldn’t piss me off as much as the other brands I’ve used. And I’ve used them all. Brother, Epson, Canon, H-P, you name it. Every one of them could suck a baseball inside out.

You probably heard about all the stuff going on with GTAT, the company that was supposed to make sapphire stuff for Apple. They’re going bankrupt. It’s all Apple’s fault. The contract is onerous and burdensome or something like that. It seems GTAT signed a contract saying they would make stuff, and now they can’t make the stuff, and Apple still expects them to make the stuff before they’ll pay them. Bastards.

That’s like going to the store for a loaf of bread to find that the store doesn’t have any bread, and can’t make enough to meet your needs anyway. The store files bankruptcy and blames you for not paying for bread. You asshole.

Of course, the store owners sell a bunch of the store’s stock after the share price goes up based on your agreement to buy a shit-ton of bread.

And then you don’t pay for the bread they can’t make and destroy their business. You bastard.


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It’s Been Way Too Long

October 11th, 2014 · General Detritus

Last night it finally happened. I have met the people who make Rip Ragged a workable site. Digital Cowboy, who gives me the server space, and Baxtrice, who designed my site. I make it obscure and lonely by my myself.

Also present were DC’s two teenage daughters, who were entirely too polite and pleasant to be teenagers in 2014. I worry about them.

We had dinner and conversation at a Texas steakhouse, followed by bourbon and stogies and more conversation on the patio of the Texas steakhouse until the employees of the Texas steakhouse were more than ready for us to find someplace else to be.

All in all, a lovely evening.

We’re gonna have to do that again sometime. Only next time we go to a Seattle eatery. I know a place with 150 different taps and some hellacious hamburgers.

Tesla just pulled an Apple. Elon musk unveiled a new upgrade to the Model S. It flies, travels underwater to 12 atmospheres, changes color to blend into the local scenery, goes from 0-60 in 3.2 seconds, and has every song ever recorded by Pink Floyd, including Be Careful with that Axe Eugene, pre-installed.

The results were identical to an Apple product announcement.

  • The stock price went down.
  • I want one.

I got to go to an Apple store in Dallas, yesterday. Wifey-poo has an iPhone 6. I’ll get one later. Jas has an iPhone 6 Plus. She showed it off at breakfast, and asked if I was jealous. I said no. I already have a piano.

It looks like talking into a floor tile. A nice floor tile, but a big square of linoleum next to your head, just the same.

Nah.

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Another Event is Coming

October 8th, 2014 · General Detritus

The buzzword from Apple on the event is, “It’s been way too long.”

As is normal with the rumor mill, people are all over the innertubes trying to figure out exactly what the hell Apple means by “It’s been way too long.”

Based on that slogan alone, we can guess with relative certainty that Apple is not going to announce a marital aid.

I’ll bet everything in my money clip right now on that assertion.

It’s been way too long since uninformed speculation predicted an Apple-branded television set.

More than one uninformed speculator is predicting Apple will introduce an TV. There has also been a rumor floating around about an TV App Store.

Bad news: The TV will not have all the motion sensors in it you’ve gotten used to. Doodlejump will not work right. Also, it won’t include Apple Pay for use at your favorite stores.

It’s been way too long:

  • since Apple updated the Mac Mini.
  • since Apple updated the Mac Pro
  • since Apple made the Mac Book Air Jordan thinner
  • since Apple obsoleted a technology like Firewire and BluRay
  • since Apple introduced a brand new disruptive piece of hardware
  • since Apple opened an Apple Store in Richland, Washington
  • since the punditocracy started predicting an Apple-branded TV
  • since Apple introduced a successor to the iPod Classic
  • since I’ve been to Texas

My prediction is that Apple is going to announce that Tim Cook and the entire executive staff are changing their hairstyles. Bunch of hippies.

 

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We Know Who You Are. We Saw What You Did.

October 3rd, 2014 · General Detritus

It has been almost a month since Apple introduced anything new.

Apple is doomed.

Doomed.

I have been reading on Macalope and Daring Fireball that Apple has committed a major faux pas by announcing they’re going to protect the privacy of users. Apple stated that they have it all fixed up that they can’t get access to your private electronic conversations even if they wanted to, and that a warrant from Big Brother can’t change that.

Some chuckleheads in the government and in police departments are of a mind that if you don’t want your private conversations to be read by strangers in authority, you must be a pedophile, a terrorist, a homophobe, a racist, a treasonous traitor, a sexist, an accountant , a coward, an alcoholic, a loser, a wife-beater, and an Oakland Raiders fan. If you don’t have anything to hide, there’s no reason to not want The Authorities to monitor every word you say electronically.

Frankly, I don’t get why this was ever even a discussion. All this time, in my opinion, the lack of such encryption has been an unfixed bug that The Man has been using in stark contrast to the requirements of the Magna Carta, para. 31, Which states, “Nec nos nec ballivi nostri capiemus alienum boscum ad castra vel alia agenda nostra, nisi per voluntatem ipsius cujus boscus ille fuerit.” Which in English means, “That’s my stuff. You can’t have it unless I tell you you can have it.”

DOOMED.

Just in case you forgot about Suzi Quatro…

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Horrors

September 26th, 2014 · General Detritus

Apple released iOS 8.0.1. It had bugs. In fact, it had some really nasty bugs. Many people who downloaded the upgrade developed a facial tic, a loss of balance, interrupted mail service, an allergic reaction to fava beans, and an unexplained rash on their upper thighs.

Apple quickly withdrew the update, and posted a workaround for the bugs. Apple has since released iOS 8.0.2. You may experience mild nausea when watching The View. Those two facts may not be related.

The iPhone 6 and 6 Plus will bend. This is particularly disturbing to people who think inconvenient laws of physics should be repealed.

If you have any understanding of material structure and strength you’ll know that when stressed, materials that bend are considered stronger than materials that do not. Materials that do not bend under stress break.

Let me put this another way ––

If you put an expensive piece of electronics in the back pocket of a tight pair of jeans and then sit on it, two things are probably true, and one thing is certainly true.

Probably: You hope the device still works as designed after you’ve sat on it repeatedly in the back pocket of your tight jeans.

Probably: The device will be more likely to work as designed after bending than it would be after breaking.

Certainly: You have proven you are stupid enough to put an expensive piece of electronics in the back pocket of a tight pair of jeans and sit on it.

Shellshock is in the wild. It’s an exploit of a Unix shell (BASH) that was recently discovered by people who really, really need Mac users to start to give a shit about computer security, because, let’s face it, we smug bastards just sitting here without any anti-virus software and without having to monitor our firewalls continuously or install updates and patches every couple of weeks for the latest attack vectors are pissing them off.

I just found out (surprise, surprise) that this particular attack only works if you’re an advanced Unix user and you have your OS X system set up to allow you to do advanced Unix stuff.

When I first got OS X on my G4 Sawtooth tower in, like, 2002, I bought Unix for Dummies. It proved to be an apt book title. After a few hours of playing with Unix on my fine, shiny Mac, I rendered it so completely useless that when I took it to the shop, they said they almost had to reformat my hard drive. So advanced Unix is not something I’ll be doing.

I’m off the hook.

Whew. I was thinking about getting worried eventually, because, well, damn.

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