Yup. I told it all, last night. Tim was right; I was indiscreet.
There are two reasons why that’s okay. 1. Steve Jobs and Apple have been telling this story long enough and often enough that anyone listening already knows. 2. Nobody is listening.
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The Big Apple Music Event was today. Everything has already been leaked. There were no surprises.
Okay, Woz was there. Yay.
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Here’s the thing I noticed: Apple TV is 99 USD. That’s a weekend trip to Piggly Wiggly. It’s nothing. They’re going to sell faster than tickets to Roger Clemens shower time in prison.
Yo. Rocket. You dropped the soap.
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Everybody is thinking Apple is trying TV again. Not true. Apple is still trying TV. Steve Jobs is still trying to figure out how to motivate people who find joy in sitting like mindless lumps of shit while being spoon-fed pabulum. It’s a problem geeks don’t have.
Geeks want to fiddle with everything. Sitting and staring at a non-interactive screen is anathema to nerds. We’re the minority except in the dungeons where tech is created. Of course, that’s always the way. You never see anyone on TV watching TV. They have lives – boring lives, but lives nonetheless.
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Rolling Stone recently listed the 500 greatest songs of all time. This one didn’t make the cut. Proof that Rolling Stone is WAY past relevance.
David Gewirtz has been typing again. This time over on ZDNet. I believe ZD stands for Zero Diligence. That seems to be the tenor of most of their recent posts – rich with opinions, completely devoid of research. Like Rip Ragged but without the disclaimer. At least I’m honest about it.
David, who claims to have been a geek since the sixties, needs to come out of Mom’s basement from time to time. He might notice that some of his preconceived notions don’t actually play out the way he thinks they should. Unless of course he’s just a stupid troll, in which case he might not.
In his most recent typing assignment he notes that cheap iPad knock offs are a major threat to Apple. He even uses the word “doom.”
In the same vein, Dual is going to put Blaupunkt out of business. Vizio is a threat to Sony. Remember how great Ferrari was before Yugo took over the car market?
Remember the iPod? Yup. That could have been something really important if those cheap imitators hadn’t destroyed it.
Cheap and similar never (NEVER) threatens an excellent original. The iPad is excellent. I own one. Have I mentioned that?
The long and the short of all these punditbots is their reliance on “market share” as a useful measurement of something. It’s crap, but Apple won’t say so. Apple likes that everyone keeps beating them up over the market share piffle.
Think of market share as a running game in football. As in, Apple’s running game sucks. Their running backs are slow and clumsy; their run-blocking schemes are easily handled; they just can’t run the ball (achieve market share). Here’s what the tech industries football teams do: They concentrate on the running game (market share). All their resources are focused on making sure Apple doesn’t get its running game (market share) going.
While that’s happening, Apple’s passing game (innovation), and its defense (profits) are running up the score (market cap, cash on hand, no debt).
Fortunately for Apple, the few of us who notice that are called “fanbois.” We are scoffed at as worshipers and sheep, tricked by the Reality Distortion Field. In the meantime, in order to maintain market share, all of Apple’s “competitors” are forced to cut prices (profit) to the bone so they can cannibalize each others’ sales of commodity boxes.
The Wednesday Apple Media Event is a matter of much speculation. My source, deep in the creative dungeons of 1 Infinite Loop, has been studying the situation since late July or possibly last Tuesday. Deep Whatchamacallit tells me that some of the speculation has some basis in reality.
iTV: It’s just like Apple TV only it has a button that lets you turn off the sound during commercials. You’ll be able to download all of the intelligent and useful programming on all the networks and cable and satellite for free. You’ll be able to watch all of it without any of the Earth’s precious resources. You don’t even have to own a powered electrical outlet. In fact, you can access all of it right now. Just stare at a fixed point in space until you lose consciousness.
iPod: The new iPod is called the iPod Pico. It is 1/1000th the size of the iPod Nano. It will hold 1000 times as many songs. It’s thinner than a human hair. It will sync wirelessly. It has to. It’s too dogdamn thin to hook up to a wire. It connects wirelessly to your cochlear nerves. You merely have to think about a song and it will play. This will be a real annoyance for people who can’t get I Shot the Sheriff, or Take the Money and Run out of their heads.
The iPod Nano is still the Nano. It will be smaller but with a larger screen. It will have an NVidia graphics card capable of running two 27″ Cinema Displays.
iTunes: The rumors are true. iTunes is about to have a web-based component. The web-based iTunes will not be a streaming service or a subscription service. It will be a social, sharing, musical group hug. It will be just like Facebook, but without the Beatles or Prince.
Apple’s imminent demise has been predicted continuously since about 1977. The reasons have never changed:
Proprietary software
Vertical integration
Failure to license the OS
Steve Jobs is an asshole
Niche market
I just read an article a couple of days ago on BusinessInsider that pretty much rehashed all of that. The great part was that the typist, Mr./Ms. Grinda managed to expound on those points without ever offering anything like a new insight. The post I’m going to link is rather insightful, but stole all my talking points except one. Bryan Chaffin on The Mac Observer picks the offending post apart very nicely.
The one point he fails to notice is that thoughtless punditbots all over the place compare iOS devices to Android devices like it was McDonald’s vs. Burger King.It isn’t a remotely similar comparison. Apple assumes responsibility for the entire user experience. Apple is responsible for the user interface, the software, and the hardware. Apple doesn’t even publicly pass the buck to the carrier – even where the carrier is clearly the issue.
Making that a Ford vs. Chevy (McDonald’s vs. Burger Kind) argument is silly. Ford’s and GM’s business models may not be the same, but they’re much more similar than the Apple and Android.
Android is a dogdamn hodgepodge. Google makes the OS. Several companies make hardware. Several carriers sell and provide service to the devices. Applications are a free-for-all. Literally. If you’re charging for an app you’re a villain on Android. So, if you can’t write apps that are worthy of compensation, you’re pretty much left to Android and ad-based revenue.
If you write apps that are worth $0.99 a download, you’re on the Apple App Store.
Oh, and your app has to be compatible with Android versions from 1.0 to “Gingerbread” because there are a multitude of different phones that may or may not upgrade to newer versions of the OS. Who’s in charge of making sure you get the latest version? Google? Nope. The Handset maker? Uh-uh. Your carrier? As if. Who’s going to have to do the legwork? You. If you’re a geek who stays on top of your OS version, you’ll probably be current if your handset will support newer versions. If you’re a housewife, cattle rancher, beautician, fashion buyer, cameraman, event organizer, flight attendant, chef, field representative, HVAC installer, cardiologist, sales manager, or plumber you might not be quite that tuned in to the whole “OS thing.”
Most people just want stuff to work. If a non-geek is trying to download apps, and every one doesn’t work every time it won’t be much of a hobby for very long.
All of you tech-savvy folks out there need to realize something: We’re the niche market.
Steve Jobs got that a LONG time ago. The Mac was designed for the non-tech-savvy – The rest of us.
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Ever since I first noted it with the introduction of the iPad, I’ve seen numerous others commenting on the “Death of the PC.” It’s over, boys and girls.
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Make your children watch this…..
We’re at the point where this is extremely important. Take it viral, kiddies.
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And, just for jas (the rest of you can watch it if you want).
Somebody in Apple allowed the iTv concept to be leaked. And the touch screen iMac, too.
I read the headlines but not the posts. Why spoil all the fun?
Besides, Deep Whatchamacallit has already told me all the details. iTv is just like AppleTV except it will ship with a slew of great television shows. Apple has finally exerted control over television content. The following shows will come standard on iTV:
My Mother the Car
Make Room for Daddy
The Dick Van Dyke Show
Leave it to Beaver
Ozzie and Harriet
My Three Sons
Ben Casey
Dr. Kildare
The Lone Ranger
Sky King
Mission Impossible
I Spy
The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Wagon Train
Gunsmoke
Bonanza
The Beverly Hillbillies
Gilligan’s Island
Gomer Pyle USMC
Mr. Ed
My Favorite Martian
Rat Patrol
Perry Mason
Ironside
Lassie
Let’s Make a Deal
Bonanza
and of course, the best television show ever made….
Wild Wild West
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Have you heard about the phishing attacks on PayPal accounts? Don’t be a dumbass. If you give your password to a stranger you are going to get creamed. If you get robbed because a hacker got into the system, you’re a victim. If you get robbed because you told a stranger the combination to the safe, you’re an idiot.
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Everybody who tells you that ebryonic stem cell research is the ONLY stem cell research is either stupid or lying. Adult bone marrow is stem cells. Adult bone marrow is just as useful for almost ALL research as embyonic tissue. And adult bone marrow is available without aborting fetuses.
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Is Obama a Muslim or a Christian? Hmmm. What difference does it make? He’s an inept clown of a POTUS. Conservatives and Liberals are largely in agreement. The man has hosed things up good.
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The Mexican contestant, Jimena “Jim” Navarrete, has won Miss Universe. This marks the fifty-ninth time the title has been awarded to a woman from this planet. Since its inception, the Miss Universe title has never been awarded to a contestant from any other planet, solar system or galaxy. Lawsuits are bound to start soon.
If you decide to come back here, just realize that I have no urge to even consider posting anything.
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I’m not going to say anything about the post on Apple Insider that discusses LG’s vaporous new tablet that is going to be better than the iPad. You can go read that one, too, if you’re interested. I already did. You don’t really have to. It’s inane.
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I’m also not going to spend any time at all talking about this post over on Fortune. It’s just that DeWitt guy again. Like the rest of the echosphere, Phillip has to post something every time Steve Jobs scratches his ass.
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The new HP slate/tablet thingy is having trouble because nobody writes apps for WebOS. That’s the exact same problem facing every mobile whatchamacallit that wants to compete on the field Apple built.
Well, since I’m not posting tonight I won’t say that if you’re going to compete with Apple you’re going to have to find a way over that hump. If your company can’t find a way to improvise, adapt and overcome, Apple’s going to take your milk money and beat you up AND give you a wedgie an a noogie just for good measure.
You read it here first. Possibly second. No more than eleventh, though. I’m sure of that.
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And since I’m not posting, might as well put up a phony video.
Note: If someone claims to have “survived” the first year of grad school, and that same someone got a 3.7+ GPA for the year, please feel free to save your sympathy for a more appropriate charity. There’s a wide, deep chasm between survival and kicking ass.
