Thank you Zacksback for inspiring tonight’s post. You said what I’d been trying to say for the whole post. Of course, I was also trying to find a place for the word “booger.”

Anyway, here’s the thing. The constant drumbeat of dumbasses babbling about Apple’s need to get into the enterprise is absurd. I remember a quote from Alan Bushnell, the founder of Atari. He said, “Business is a good game – lots of competition and a minimum of rules. You keep score with money.”

I don’t mean to question the unassailable wisdom of Forbes, Fortune, BusinessWeek, and all the other brain dead rags excreting the echo chamber babble about Enterprise computing, but, um, Apple is selling more stuff every quarter. Isn’t that what they should be doing? They have a ginormous pile of money. That’s good, right? They don’t have any debt. I seem to remember that debt is a BAD thing.

Let’s see, what else. Oh. Yeah. They have screaming hordes of fanboys tearing up the internet; pissing off the customers of other companies with their platform supremacist rants. And I might add, the tables have turned these days.

Just a few years ago, it was hard to find a mainstream source of positive Apple spin. The Mac faithful were on the fringes of society. Hungry and naked. Warming our tattered gloves over trash can fires in the internet’s back alleys. Now it’s the Windows faithful, such as they are, who are forced to defend their choice of platforms against ridicule and derision.

Should we kick them while they’re down? Of course we should. If you don’t kick a man when he’s down you never get a clean shot at his ribs.

Back to the rabid fanboys. There is no business owner in the world who wouldn’t give his Mickey Mantle rookie card and his favorite beer mug for the customer base Apple has.

Add all that up. What does it mean?

It means Apple is doing something right. In fact, it probably means Apple is doing several things that nobody else is doing, and those things are working pretty well.

I have yet to read a single analysis that has a big picture look at what Apple is doing right. Not. One.

Nope. The tech/financial puddingheads, all of them, want to criticize what Apple is doing and recommend what Apple should do.

I remember a football game last season. I don’t remember who was playing, but I remember Joe Theismann was in the broadcast booth. Early in the game, one team was running the ball on every down and just marching up and down the field. They were literally stomping the other team into the astroturf. Theisman kept slobbering out the idiocy that they needed to establish the passing game. Utterly idiotic. They were winning with the run. There was no need to pass. By the end of the third quarter, the other team didn’t have enough energy to push a piss-ant motorcycle around the inside of Cheerio. It was a fun game to watch if you were a football purist and ignored Joe.

The same holds with Apple’s push into enterprise. Why would they bother? Apple isn’t Dell. Apple doesn’t need anywhere near the volume for profitability that Dell does. Apple doesn’t have to own a big piece of the market share pie. Apple just has to keep chipping away at the credibility of the WinTard ecosystem.

All the jabbering jackasses in the world won’t change the fact that Apple is getting bigger by the day. Apple doesn’t need enterprise. Enterprise may need Apple, but they’ll have to ask nicely.

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And speaking of colossal stupidity, Forbes.

They have a headline that says,”Why Apple Can’t Kill BlackBerry.” I didn’t read the article. All you need is the headline to know it isn’t worth the bandwidth. Two reasons it isn’t worth the electrons it’s written with. First, it’s an asinine, one-sentence-fragment strawman massacre.

I mean Dog Damn. How about, Why Shaun Alexander can’t win the Preakness. Why Oscar de la Hoya can’t beat Pete Rose. Why Michigan State can’t beat the New York Giants.

Dumbasses. It was never a stated goal of anyone in Apple to kill the BlackBerry. If it was, it sure didn’t make the blogosphere. I know. I would have made fun of somebody about it. I do that.

The second reason? Apple doesn’t have to kill BlackBerry. RIM is going to commit suicide. RIM is working so hard to make an iPhone forgery, they’ll spend themselves into Chapter 11. I’m taking bets whether Sprint or RIM will get to bankruptcy first.

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In a very short-sighted move, Apple has failed to invite me to speak at the WWDC. Sure, I don’t know anything about development beyond the development of a rash that I’d rather not talk about, and my computer technical knowledge pretty much stops at the power switch, but should that be so limiting?

I’m feeling pretty unloved. Also, I think my foot just went to sleep. Dammit. I hope it doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night.

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Good night, John Boy.