First of all, let’s put it all in perspective. In 1970 there was no such thing as a Compact Disc, or a floppy disc, or a microprocessor. Gas was thirty-six cents a gallon. You could buy a house for $5000. The Beatles broke up. It was not legal to make your own beer. M*A*S*H was still just a movie.

The Palo Alto Research Center opened in 1970. If you’ll remember your studies, PARC is where we got the ribbed condom (or possibly the electric fork).

ARPANET was established in 1970. Several universities and companies started the time-honored tradition of sending blonde jokes to one another. Early viruses on this system were called “subroutines.”

In 1970 there was a war in the Middle East involving the West Bank and Palestinian suicide attacks against civilians. Thankfully, they settled their differences and we don’t have to deal with that crap anymore.

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In 1971 the first microprocessor was introduced. The Intel 4004, so named because some asshole drank the last beer and the Cheezits were stale, or possibly 4004 is somehow significant as regards the electronics. Nobody ever said.

In 1971 the Kenbak-1 and the Datapoint 2200 were introduced as the first personal computers. There is much division over which was actually marketed first. This would be a huge debate if more than six or seven people gave a shit.

The Kenbak-1 and Datapoint 2200 were both 8-bit computers. The Kenbak-1 had a clock speed of about 1 MHz. It sold for about $750 in Scientific American. The Datapoint 2200 was Windows compatible, hence barely ran at all. You could get one for about $14,000.

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1972 brought many good things. The Intel 8008 Processor, named after an activity in the back room at a company Christmas Party, was way better than the 4004. The 8008 could handle capital and lower case letters. Scientists determined that the 8008 processor would be able to handle such vital tasks as Frogger and Pong.

Pong was released in 1972. Atari was born.

Hewlett-Packared introduced the HP-35 “electronic slide rule.” It was capable of performing mathematical calculations today’s high school graduates can’t even pronounce, much less spell.

SuperPaint was introduced in 1972. The program that currently resides on every Windows machine in the accessories is essentially a non-upgraded port of SuperPaint. It was revolutionary in 1972. Of course, Charles Manson was crazy in 1972. These days he wouldn’t stand out at a PTA meeting.

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Not quite a Macintosh, the IMSAI 8080 was launched in 1973. It used the Intel 8080 Microprocessor. Download speeds sucked.

This was the first year in which the term “ethernet” was discussed. It happened at Xerox PARC. Steve Jobs would later steal the idea for ethernet, the concept of GUI, and three jelly doughnuts from Xerox PARC.

Dark Side of the Moon was released in 1973. Baby Boomers were largely in the business of ingesting illegal substances and having sex.

Details of Steve Jobs activities during 1973 are sketchy. He may have been stoned and trying to get laid. It stands to reason. His calendar was pretty much open. He didn’t have a WWDC scheduled for years. If you don’t have a major corporation to run, you might as well fornicate, after all.

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Xerox PARC built a computer in 1974 with a mouse. It was called the Alto. It had 128k of RAM and a removable 2.5 MB Hard Drive. The Operating system was never released to the general public in a workable format, much like Vista.

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The Altair 8800 was released in 1975. It was based on the Intel 8080 processor. It did not have cut and paste, MMS, 3G, or an on-board digital camera, and only 256 bytes of memory. Useless. It cost about $400.

Bill Gates and Paul Allen beat up little old ladies and stole their code for a BASIC compiler. Gerald Ford wasn’t assassinated. Microsoft was born.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest was released in 1975. George Carlin hosted the first Saturday Night Live. On the other hand, the Grammy Award for Record of the Year went to I Honestly Love You by Olivia Newton John.

If you’re old enough to remember that annoying song and it sticks in your head for days, I’m really sorry. Okay. Not really sorry.

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Some day I’ll get around to the late 70s. Right now I’m going to drink a beer.