For those of you who may be joining us late, “iPhone Killer” replaced “iPod Killer” in the Rip Ragged glossary shortly after the announcement of the iPhone in January of 2007. Before the iPhone was actually released last year, several companies were already announcing “iPhone Killers.”

The last iPod Killer was the Zune.

The list of iPhone Killers goes on and on.

Android

The most recent addition to the iPK list is, naturally, Android. Oddly, unlike earlier contestants, Android is completely mythical. It’s beyond vaporous – unfinished software without a hardware platform upon which to operate. 

The great thing about Android is it represents a joint effort of Google, handset manufacturers, open source programmers, independent developers, and wireless carriers. This collection of individuals – who are openly suspicious of each others’ motives to the point of outright fear and hatred – is an alliance?

It’s kind of analogous to planning a worldwide peace picnic where the food and beverage committee consists of Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Mormons, Catholics, Vegans, Environmentalists, and Baptists. As soon as we settle on a menu we’ll set a date. Tofu and organically grown lettuce is what we’ll end up with, but not until after a lot of screaming.

Frankly, the odds that such a disparate group will come up with anything worthwhile in anything like a reasonable time seem small to me.

BlackBerry

There’s the RIM BlackBerry, of course. It’s been around for years. It’s a mainstay of road warriors and corporate dweebs. RIM didn’t really enter the iPhone Killer Derby until it announced and posted photos of the BlackBerry Thunder, which the company adamantly denies is an iPhone knock-off.

It’s a lousy knock-off, to be sure, but a knock-off none the less. The only thing that sets it apart visually from the iPhone is all the pimply-ass-ugly art and trademarks all over it.

It also meets the stringent RR iPK criteria of being utterly vaporous. If you want a BlackBerry, you can have a Curve, an 8800, or a Pearl. Anyway that’s what it says on www.blackberry.com.

Nokia

Nokia just bought Symbian. That means Nokia may actually be competing in the same game with Apple soon. If Nokia assumes responsibility for the entire user experience; builds the hardware, writes the software, and insists on a high quality user interface, they may be truly said to be competing with the iPhone.

The Nokia N95 was one of the early iPhone Killers. It isn’t on the iPK list any more. It exists. The N95 isn’t exactly tearing up the planet, but it is for sale. 

Samsung/Sprint

The Instinct from Samsung, marketed by Sprint. It was on the iPK list until just recently. Now that it’s really on the market, it no longer matters.

The upfront price of an Instinct is $70 less than the iPhone 3G. I’d go research the contractual service agreement, but frankly I don’t care. For $70 in front-end savings you get “not an iPhone” plus you get Sprint’s legendary customer service, which has been compared unfavorably with picking one’s toenails in a prison shower.

Others

Other entrants in the iPK Derby.

There was the NEO from OpenMoko – a $300 Linux-powered oval. It looked like the iPhone Smurf® edition, with a little loop on the end so you could put it on your key ring.

There may be sales figures available for this unit, but who gives a shit?

The LG Prada.

This was the Verizon iPK before the iPhone was even available. A quick glance at the case says, “This is what people would be carrying in Futurama if it had been made in 1976.”

And last, but not least —

Samsung’s Omnia.

Fugly.

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Then today there’s an interview on the web with the Verizon CEO saying that the iPhone doesn’t matter, and that Apple isn’t all that cool.

Quick, without using a search engine, name the CEO of Verizon.

If you knew the answer without looking it up, congratulations.

If you looked up the answer you care a lot more than I do.

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That’s all for tonight. Don’t forget to pick up a copy of the bulletin on the way out.