Tom Steinert-Threlkeld put on a post today, two actually, that defy understanding. Tom may actually get it, sort of. In The Steve Job Standard Tom discusses the phenomenon that is The Master in a credible way.

First, he credits Master Jobst Fimil with the resurrection of Apple. Not to undermine my “history” inanity, but…

From 1976 to 1985 Apple was a corporate success story of epic proportions. The Steves introduced the personal computer. Apple was THE first company to sell what we know today as a personal computer.

Period.

The company grew at an alarming rapid clip from ‘76 to 85. Steve Jobs was the boss.

In 1985, His Steveness was given a pink slip. The company turned to shit. The only thing that kept the company from dying in the twelve years The Master was away was the fact that they were already so far ahead of the rest of the industry technologically when he left, that they could coast for 12 years. Because frankly, that’s what they did.

In 1997, when The Master returned, Apple was a laughing stock. The computers were definitely “niche,” and the operating system was a joke. It still wasn’t as bad as Windows, but it sucked.

In the eleven years since His Steveness has regained control the company has become a technology leader and a corporate monolith.

Simple pattern recognition test:

1. What happens when Steve’s in charge?

2. What happens when Steve is NOT in charge?

If you answered, “Hey! Where the hell is my salt shaker?” you’ve probably had enough margaritas for tonight.

So anyway, Tom Steinert-Threlkeld noted that all this speculation about El Jobso’s health, his succession plan, who’s the next CEO is a bunch of bullshit.

Let the man work. We’ll know the parade is over when the clean up crew comes through. Until then, enjoy the show.

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Tom then followed up with The Steve Jobs Premium, in which he discusses the fact that if you’re shopping for something, Apple stuff is a good choice.

His example is a cable he was trying to buy. The Apple version of the cable cost $50. He just knew the same cable had to be available cheaper. It’s a frigging cable, after all. I could have told the same story. After you waste a day looking for a bargain basement replacement for the Apple accessory, you’ll realize that you’ve wasted a whole day to save half the price and you end up with something that works almost as well as the Apple product would have.

Then, if you really want the thing to work right, you buy the Apple product anyway.

It isn’t really a Steve Jobs Premium. It has gotten to seem that way. It’s just value shopping. It works like this: 

1. Set a minimum level of quality you’re willing to accept.

2. Figure out what brands will afford that quality.

3. Shop for price within that set of brands.

Apple products reliably at least meet my minimum quality requirements. They work. They do what they say they’ll do. Lots of other companies do that. They spend the time and money to make sure their stuff is good. Then they charge a bit more for it.

The reason it seems like a Steve Jobs Premium is that within the computer/consumer tech industry, quality is no longer important to most companies. Their products feel cheap, flimsy, and toy-like. Apple’s products look and feel substantial and durable.

We all know Macs and iPods and iPhones are just as obsolete the day we buy them as any other technology. The difference between Apple’s products and others is Apple stuff doesn’t look or work like cheap crap when you buy it. That matters. I’ll pay for that. So will a lot of other people.

Tom got this one pretty close to right.

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Have you ever heard of TG Daily? Me either. I’m guessing that it’s quite a new site, or, possibly, they’ve been vacationing on a nice planet three galaxies over. They’ve published “Rob Enderle, Principal Analyst, Enderle Group.” The title of the post is “Dell channels old school Apple with a twist of Linux.” Google it if you want to read it. It’s asinine. There’s no way I’m going to contaminate RR with a link to that drivel.

The only thing of value is his brief discussion of “Bob,” – the name of the human face Microsoft tried to put on Windows a few years back. “Bob” was not a smashing success. It might have at least provided decent comic relief if it had been named “Goober,” or “Gomer,” but those were already taken.

The rest of the post is disjointed trivial facts assembled around predetermined inconsequential conclusions.

The disclaimer at the bottom says that R.E. is one of the last Inquiry Analysts. Given that his ponderous suppository is an indication of the value of Inquiry Analysts, there’s no need of further explanation for their disappearance.

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Somebody (Anybody) Else (Please) for President 2008 (Damn).

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Not only does Vista suck, but now you have to pay extra if you don’t want it. B.G. left. S.B. bought a rifle and painted silhouettes on his wingtips. He probably won’t need a spare clip.

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Shouting random dirty words isn’t generally very valuable, but it does get you the men’s room all to yourself.