A washed up ballplayer and an aging bimbo get together to screw for self-validation. Opposite but equivalent to pity sex. Self-pity sex. This is news?

Who gives a shit?

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I’ve been reading something new around the internet. The blogospheroids are up in arms because Microsoft is claiming products it shipped to retailers on a consignment as “sales.”

Oh, wait. No. I’m sorry. Microsoft does that every day. That wouldn’t cause alarm. That’s normal.

Apple is the culprit. Apple actually sold iPhones to retailers and they’re claiming those sales as sales.

The rules are:

Microsoft may claim sales of unpaid-for merchandise they still technically own that is sitting in the warehouses and on the shelves of retailers.

Apple may not claim sales until an individual takes it off the shelf.

The difference is that Apple has actually sold the product.

An illegitimate sale by Apple means someone has given Apple the price Apple wanted for a product and Apple no longer OWNS the dogdamn thing. Whereas a Microsoft sale is valid if Microsoft has shipped the product but hasn’t been paid for the product and therefore still owns the son of a bitch.

If you are a paid tech/financial writer on the blogosphere, please pay close attention to what I’m about to say:

Clear the Penthouse Letters backlog off your desk; look up from your genitals from time to time and think about what the hell you’re saying. Those of us with the capacity for rational thought don’t even find you amusing anymore.

Frankly, you’re stupid. Sure, it isn’t all your fault. Genetics play a part. You’ve been victimized by a bad environment. You attended government K12 indoctrination. That doesn’t change the basic fact that you need to help yourself or find help. Set aside a few hours a day for masturbation and discipline yourself to stay within that schedule. Use the rest of the day to read, meditate, discover soap.

The only thing more likely than your writing to bring tears to our eyes is being in the same room with your unwashed ass.

Try to apply the same standards to everyone. I know this requires thinking, and thinking hurts, but work on it.

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I was going to comment on the Little Psystar thing again, but the echosphere is all over it. Assclowns all over the innertubes are saying Apple is the underdog. Apple MUST win or General Foods will start putting arsenic in the peanut butter.

Just between us kids, this isn’t even a fair fight.

Apple’s lawyers can beat up Little Psystar’s lawyers. That in itself is enough to guarantee Apple wins.

Little Psystar is openly, knowingly, and belligerently violating the EULA of Leopard. That in itself is enough to guarantee Apple wins.

Little Psystar is using Apple’s copyrighted software to compete against Apple’s hardware/software integration business model. That in itself is enough to guarantee Apple wins. 

This is kind of like a Summertime family reunion. Apple has been standing with the video camera ready, waiting for cousin Psystar to drink enough beer to get on the trampoline with his big hairy gut hanging over his Speedo® and bounce off backwards onto his head with his swim trunks around his ankles.

Apple has the video or they wouldn’t have brought it up. This video will be played at every family reunion forever and ever amen.

Psystar is hosed.

HOSED.

The cloning question is  about to be answered.

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Somebody at ITWorld has been reading Rip Ragged. They didn’t give me any credit, but that’s okay. They suck and have no manners. Anyway their post wonders if RIM can compete against the iPhone. The headline is “Does RIM stand a chance against Apple?”

The article is here. 

I can’t blame them for the article. They have to get enough paragraphs in there to justify all the advertising. As a public service, let me summarize the article:

No. RIM is screwed.

Truthfully, I fill a lot of column inches saying the same thing. I don’t sell any advertising, though. So I’m morally superior to the other guys.

I’d like to sell advertising, but that doesn’t count.

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I just read over on Darling Furball that getting “buzzed” is a good thing. Should I hook up with Yahoo! Buzz?

You, who come here to read and comment are the only reason for me to do this. I value your opinion. If you send me a shoebox full of fifties, I’ll value your opinion even more (not more than the fifties, mind you, but more than the fucktard who keeps trying to get insurance ads in the comments without paying). 

Thanks.

I promise if I start to sell ads, I’ll feed a neighborhood cat and install a hybrid fireplace. I’ll even get a hybrid barbecue as soon as I can find some hybrid mesquite, and I’ll only barbecue hybrid rib eye steaks and corn on the cob.

…..

The menu said “pasta.” This looks like noodles. What’s up with that?