Nokia is going to launch yet another iPhone Killer.

This one is even better than the N95, so they put their branding geniuses in a high level meeting with their staff mathematician. They exerted the creative innovation of a proven world leader in mobile communications technology and named it (No. I’m not kidding) the N96.

You all think I made up that it’s being called an iPhone Killer, but here’s the link. See for yourself.

It’s just like the iPhone but better. It has a 5MP camera. As near as I can tell, that’s the advantage it has over the iPhone. Folks, if you need five megapixels for your photographs, you need Nikon, not Nokia.

Following the lead of the most famous of all iPod killers, the Zune, the N96 will have an FM radio on board. It will also pick up broadcast TV.

It doesn’t have a touchscreen, but it does have the world-renowned Nokia version of iTunes, called “Comes with Music.” Every time I read that I laugh, and that makes me feel very unclean. I’m so ashamed.

After looking at the Nokia site for specifications, it’s still unclear exactly how to input text, but there is no touchscreen, and no QWERTY. That means text entry must be via the phone buttons. There’s a technological advance.

The unadjusted price of the unit is $800. 

I’ve been unable to determine if it has voice dialing, cut and paste, or BlueTooth syncing. But if you want to put some money on all those features being there, I have you covered.

The fact that the N96 is coming is driving down the price of the N95, though. Now you can get an 8GB N95 for less than $600. For less cash outlay than would be required to obtain three iPhone 3Gs you can have a clunky piece of shit cell phone with fake features and a music subscription service you can’t get out of. Or if you want to, you can wait for the N96, which will be one bigger and better so it will cost you the same up front as FOUR iPhone 3Gs.

But it looks just like an iPhone would look if it were designed for the set of the NCC 1701 in 1967. And most importantly, it’s unlocked, so you can get pissed off at it on your choice of carriers.

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Is it just me, or is this whole Mac security thing just a little weird? Apparently there’s this DNS flaw that Apple is supposed to have fixed. Some people are saying it isn’t fixed. Apple fixed the Kaminsky DNS problem? Who is Kaminsky, and what the hell does he (she? it?) have to do with DNS?

Should I be worried? I don’t even know anyone named Kaminsky. What’s the name of the DNS flaw(s) that haven’t been fixed? Is is someone I know? Somebody famous? Ernest Rutherford? A. Henri Becquerel? Philo T. Farnsworth? Larry Harmon? Dammit.

The other thing that puzzles me is all this angst and hand-wringing over a single flaw in OS X that could, maybe, possibly be exploited. If this much bandwidth were used for each piece of actual malware in the wild for Windows, there wouldn’t be room on the innertubes left over for porn and sports scores.

One possible exploit that isn’t a Trojan Horse in OS X and the place goes nuts.

Windows is a security turdburger that doesn’t even make the news when twenty more pieces of spyware are dumped on the ‘net.

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Just a friendly reminder: For their safety and yours, no video recording or flash photography while the dancers are performing. They’ll be using live ammunition and real ordnance.

Also, please turn off your cell phones and reach forward and slap that asshole who won’t shut up during the show.

Thank you.