Rob Enderle is John Gruber

August 4th, 2008 · 9 Comments · Darling Furball, Follies of Humanity, Gadgetry, General Detritus, iPhone, Punditbots and Fundtards, Überdumbass, Vista sucks

There. That ought to piss off a few fanbois.

Daring Fireball links a post by Michael Tsai that picks apart a post by Mike Ash in which Apple is pilloried for its policies vis a vis the SDK and web apps and all things iPhone. The screwy thing is Tsai ends up making the same points as Ash. The basic premise, near as I can tell, is that Apple failed to please some developers.

The post linked by Gruber is, “Welcome to iPhone: Your Crappy Mac of Tomorrow, Today!”

Dear Whiny Outraged Prissy Developer,

It’s sad that Steve Jobs hasn’t come to your house to invite you out to the town square so he could personally kiss your ass on prime time television. It’s a sad day when the business decisions of a multibillion dollar global corporation fail to take into consideration your selfish, sniveling, pissant wants.

The Master’s job is to increase shareholder value. His dream involves advancing the state of technology and reclaiming Apple’s rightful place as the preeminent purveyor of personal computing. The way to accomplish both of those things is to make products that lots of people want to buy, then use the proceeds to design new products; then sell a buttload of those products to generate more money for more product innovation. It’s a vicious circle.

Steve Jobs has never announced that he wanted the Nobel Prize for Pleased Developers.

Apple is selling products as fast as they can build them. We, the stockholders, think that’s a good thing. Customers who buy those products are going to be looking for software to run on them. I’m one of them, too. Lots of developers are going to make lots of money developing software for those machines. The ones who don’t won’t be missed.

So listen princess, if Apple isn’t personally satisfying everything you think a hardware company should – don’t write software for iPhone and Mac. It would be nice, though, if you could point out a company that does meet all your criteria while you’re bitching about Apple. Frankly, I haven’t heard what company you consider a better option.

Honestly. What company makes your sticker peck out? Microsoft? Adobe? HP? Are they telling you everything you want to hear? Why don’t you just add your phenomenal coding skill there? Ignore us. Somehow we’ll struggle by without your earth shattering To-Do List app.

Just between us girls, Apple may not be perfect, but it’s the best personal technology company there is. If you disagree, pack up your subroutines and your freaky drama-queen issues and take them to a place you like better. If, on the other hand, you’d like to make money riding along on the most rapid advance in personal technology since the invention of the vacuum tube, stop honking your face and start writing code.

Sincerely,

Rip Ragged

P.S. 

Shit. This was meant to be a sympathy note. Guess I missed the mark. Sorry.

In other news, Rob Enderle (Dell consultant, pompous horse’s ass) is writing for a site called “MacNewsWorld,” apparently an offshoot of “TechNewsWorld.” He puts his spin on Steve Jobs’ phone call to that NYT slime bucket.

Then on to the unalloyed praise of his new employer’s reentry into digital music. Full disclosure: I think Rob Enderle is a dork.

He praises Microsoft for using Mojave to trick the gullible. Odd bit, that. Microsoft films credulous naifs being taken in by their flimflam and that’s cool. Steve Jobs has a reality distortion field. That’s bad. Apparently lying trickery is only a good thing if the product being deceitfully presented sucks terrier testicles.

The post doesn’t say anything useful.

Surprise.

There are no stupid questions. There are, however, plenty of stupid answers.

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9 Comments so far ↓

  • baxtrice

    Off topic — Blogger’s Choice Awards is STILL down.. 4 frakking days later. So, Rip, ol’ pal, how would you like me to personally make you an award? I can make it as special as you like.

  • Nxxx

    Rip, as you are aware, it was established yonks ago on CARS that Moltz is Gruber. Think about poor John, bewildered by the cruel ripping away of his schizoid half, sitting in his Mac room, surrounded by his treasures, weeping. I can’t go on………….

  • zacksback

    @baxtrice Hmm.. you may want to reconsider the wording on that.
    1. He’s married
    2. We couldn’t find enough change in the cushions to get him that Eskimo Pie he wanted
    3. He’s probably a closet Power Ball winner anyway

  • Huh?

    Um… Are we all really sure Rips is who he says?

    Maybe that’s why the Blogger’s Choice isn’t working….. Hmmm…

    Vista- best durn chrome removal since 2007.

  • digitalcowboy

    Has Rob Enderle ever been right about anything?

    I didn’t think so.

    And that is all.

    Almost….

    I would gladly pay to attend a Rob Enderle seminar where he explains how to get the MSM to seek out your opinion when you’ve never actually been right or produced anything of value. What a salesman he is! He sells nothing and gets his name mentioned everywhere.

    I would like to join the Enderle Group but I’ve, y’know, actually accomplished things. I doubt I would fit in. Also, I’ve noticed that they never seem to be hiring. The organization seems to be just the namesake whore and the broad he lives with.

  • Rip

    Thank you, one and all for the weepy sentimentality, but I think the awards section should be allowed to die a quiet, undignified death.

    After a brief uncivilized ceremony we can resume our unrepentant degeneracy.

    Thank you.

  • Alexandra

    You call Rob Enderle a dork? Dorks are adorable and silly.
    I don’t really think that dork applies to Rob Enderle. He is a pompous, misguided idiot who screams his vitriolic, meaningless rhetoric to those who don’t know any better. Yes?

  • cooper

    If you’ve seen this, please forgive the duplication.

    Vista Strikes Again