Hey, I was just reading that Microsoft has announced “Surface.”

It’s the latest iPad killer.

The published specs are pretty minimal, and you have to click a link to download them. It ships with a cover that doubles as a keyboard. Your choice of colors. You can have one that runs Windows RT or one that runs Windows 8.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t qualify for iPad Killer status on Rip Ragged. True, it’s billed as such on sites all over the innertubes. Also, you can see pictures of the device on microsoft.com. The problem is it hasn’t published superior specs. I remember I read that it will run the Office suite of apps, and several others. That’s nice. I can hardly wait to see Windoze fanboys building Excel spreadsheets on the plane with their Surfaces. But that doesn’t count as superior specs. I suppose I could grant leniency for the USB port and the SD card port as being “superior” specs.

Okay. It’s an iPad killer.

It does, after all, sport the one overriding feature of an iSomething killer that trumps specs and published pictures:

It doesn’t frigging exist. There isn’t even a published date when it MIGHT exist.

It’s coming soon. The iPad will have another iteration by this time next year.

Soon.

Microsoft convened the press to announce VaporFUD Surface. Sorry to tell you this, MS, but it’s been more than a decade since the last time you were powerful enough to affect the market for anything with FUD, and the “tablet market” is waaaaaay out of your control. Nobody with three functioning brain cells is waiting for the MS Tablet Thingamajig.

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You already know how this movie ends, too….

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