I’m no expert, but it looks to me like Apple just handed Google, Microsoft, and Dell their collective asses. Seriously. Go devote some time to watching the keynote.

A quick look at the new features in iOS 6 is groovy. Integrated search in the address field of Safari looked to me like it’s search engine agnostic. The improved Siri can find a lost contact lens in a deep shag carpet. Apple’s new map app makes Google Maps look as appealing as the ones you can never fold properly. And Apple did all that stuff without human malware on the Board of Directors.

When you go watch the keynote you’ll hear an odd noise in the background. It’s Mountain View, Redmond and Round Rock. They’re all pissing their pants in unison.

If you recall (and you can’t help it, really) Steve Jobs mentioning thermonuclear war against Google, you just saw the launch.

As for Redmond and Round Rock, Mountain Lion will cost $20 to upgrade. You can upgrade all your Macs with one license. You can still get Ubuntu for free, but if you want a UI for something other than development, you get to pick between Mac and Windows. Please use the comments section to explain exactly why you’d want Windows, given a choice. Not enough malware for OSX? Apple’s OS doesn’t cost enough? You absolutely NEED backward compatibility with a Lotus 1-2-3 spreadsheet that you still use to run your Aquarium Supply and All-Night Motorcycle Repair Shop? Possibly you’re an IT manager that thinks Apple stuff is hard to support.

Twenty frigging dollars. For an operating system that has iMessage built right into it. What does Windows offer?

And did you see the Star Trek Next Generation MacBook Pro? Bay. Bee. Ooh. I want one. I want one BAD. That was Apple announcing to the rest of the industry: The wedge? We did that already. Time to move on. Let’s see. Let’s kill the optical drive and the HDD; shit, we own all the Flash memory that will be built on this planet until about 2016. And USB 3? Backwards compatible? Yeah. We got that covered. Good luck building one of these, Dell and HP.

And of course, all the hardware is available. Right. Freaking. Now.