This Week in Apple…

February 17th, 2013 · No Comments · General Detritus

Have you been paying attention? They’re talking about the iCar again. And the iWatch. Although, the iWatch is what’s getting the most buzz.

The iWatch will be the greatest thing since the electric slide. My source on the inside, Deep Somethingorother, says that the prototypeshe’s seen is significantly less than an inch thick and approximately half as wide and tall as an iPhone. It has a slight curve, no change up, and a ninety mile-an-hour fastball.

It always knows the correct time of day.

Wherever you go, as long as you’re within range of a cell tower, wifi hub, electrical outlet, power line, computer, or open package of Milk Duds®, you’ll always (ALWAYS) know what time it is, unlike now.

Also it will be your golden ticket to the internet. You just sit down near a properly configured Mac, and it’s your computer. Your settings, your desktop, your disgusting browser history – everything.

It will

The iCar is somewhat more secret. Even Deep Somethingorother hasn’t been able to find out much. The only sure thing is that the Doodle Jump app will be built in.

Decisions have not been made about the power plant, for instance. It might be a traditional gasoline engine, or it might be electric or hybrid. There’s also talk of embedding stirling engines throughout the interior to generate all the power for the dashboard lights.

This is almost certainly not a picture of the iCar.

This, too.

Also, because I think it’s still compulsory, I should probably mention that Tim Cook is still not Steve Jobs. I’ve been reading the financial press, the tech press, farming journals, bathroom walls, and web sites devoted entirely to shaving, and they’re all in agreement on that one point. If at any point Tim Cook should become Steve Jobs, I’ll publish it right here within a couple of weeks after it happens.

Stay tuned.

 

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