March 25th, 2013 · No Comments · General Detritus

The iWatch is coming. They say. Soon. The new Mac Pro. Any minute now. iPhone 5S? 6?

Nobody is officially giving out any information from 1 Infinite Loop. This is way different from when Steve Jobs ran things. Remember how they pre-announced every product? Remember how they reinvented brand new markets every year? First to market, with everything. Right?

Well, that’s not quite accurate. Here’s a little quiz.

1. Apple didn’t invent the digital music player. There were scads of them on the market when the iPod was introduced.

Name the first mp3 player to market.

Name three other mp3 players.

2. Apple didn’t invent the smartphone.

Name the first smartphone to market.

Name one smartphone on the market before the iPhone

Name the make and model of smartphone that outsells the iPhone.

3. Apple didn’t invent the tablet PC. There were multiple attempts to market a similar function and form factor.

Name the first tablet to market.

Name the make and model of tablet that is currently outselling the iPad.

If you can complete this quiz correctly in less than one minute, you’re good. If you can’t complete this quiz in less than 10 minutes without looking shit up, we’re even. Actually, I didn’t look anything up because that would constitute research. Feck research. I’m pretty sure none of the answers matter anyway. Here are a couple of freebies, though. There isn’t a make and model of smartphone or tablet that is outselling iPhone or iPad. Those were trick questions.

Oh, and the iWatch. It’s a myth. Maybe there’ll be one, maybe there won’t. While we’re waiting everybody is spending metric butt tons of money trying to beat Apple to market. Apple wins the smartwatch war because it’s being fought without them.

The “Android is winning” meme won’t die. It’s bullshit. Android isn’t winning anything. Developers prefer iOS. Samsung totally downplays that it even runs Android on its stuff. Android just annoys everyone. It’s more open to hackers, but the average accounting intern doesn’t know the difference between open and “walled garden” until the debit cart from his brokerage account is hacked and he’s out $1000. Android’s security measures provide roughly the same amount of protection as putting a hand over one’s ass while picking up a dropped bar of soap in the prison shower.

Android is getting creamed.

You read it here first, unless you were standing in line to get to the monitor. In that case maybe you read it fourth or fifth.

 

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