The Sequester is On: They Laid Off the Pope.

March 2nd, 2013 · No Comments · General Detritus

This just in, as a result of the combination of forces and after-effects caused by the sequester, the resignation of the Pope, and the legalization of marijuana in Colorado and Washington, Tim Cook will not be Steve Jobs for at least five more weeks. The prevailing line is possibly June, or at least late May.

I just read over on MacDailyNews that the last six times Tim Cook has spoken publicly, the stock price of Apple has gone down. They linked an article.  The meaning of this information is clear. There is a person who, at least briefly, had no higher priority than to research that correlation. That person was probably paid for that information. That alone should scare you.

I’ll bet the rest of this pot of coffee the stock price went down a high percentage of the time Steve Jobs talked publicly, too. For a very simple reason – Steve Jobs was no Steve Jobs. His last public address was always great after the most recent one, which always disappointed because the real Steve Jobs couldn’t live up to the made up bullshit Steve Jobs the press corps built.

More news about the sequester:

There is still power at my house. The roads are still intact. The grocery store is still open, and they have whiskey. At least so far there have been no reports of rioting, looting, widespread civil disobedience, or cancellation of Dancing With the Stars. There does not seem to be anyone burning anyone else in effigy. The crisis seems to be slow to develop. In the midst of all this ordinariness, the Democrats are blaming the Republicans, the house is blaming the senate, the president is blaming the congress, and vice versa.

To recap: Nothing bad happened. It’s nobody’s fault. Although it’s entirely possible that there was an assault weapon involved somehow.

Here’s where my formerly conservative politics have finally descended to: If you only count the executive branch (2), the legislature (535), and the Supreme Court (9), there are at least 546 people in Washington D.C. who are not doing the job they’re paid to do. It’s time to get every one of those useless assholes into jobs they’re qualified for – shoveling shit, maybe.

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