March 15th, 2015 · General Detritus

The  Watch cometh. Apple is releasing a new thing in just a couple of weeks. You can tell. The punditbots are going gorilla fecal matter over the thing. Most of the commentary I’ve read has been negative.

  • The  Watch will not sell well
  • The  Watch is ugly
  • The  Watch is technically inferior
  • The  Watch will further isolate us from humanity
  • The  Watch is satan
  • The  Watch will make you fat, lazy, and prematurely grey
  • The  Watch is not Steve Jobs
  • The  Watch has cooties
  • The  Watch is a booger-butt
  • The  Watch nanny-nanny-boo-boo

The list goes on and on. I read somewhere the Raw Benderly typed something about it, so you know the situation is getting stupid. The short answer is that the  Watch is probably going to sell like Reese’s Pieces on a fat farm. I will own one, and I haven’t worn anything on my wrist in almost 20 years.

Hillary Clinton can’t handle two email accounts? Seriously, boys and girls. If you can’t handle two email accounts, you need to have whoever is reading this to you take you back to bed where you can’t hurt yourself. If you’re running for President, don’t. Walk. And hold somebody’s hand.

The reason I haven’t been posting here lately is that I just retired from one job into another job and we’re moving 300 miles back to my hometown and everything is all higgledy-piggledy.

The next big thing that everybody will be squealing about is the  Car, which may or may not be called that if it ever even actually exists, which at the moment it doesn’t, but that won’t keep everyone from going on and on and on and on about the dogdamn thing. If it doesn’t fly, I don’t want one.

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Cognitive Dissonance.

March 1st, 2015 · General Detritus

Been reading around the innertubes again. I read a lot of stuff about AAPL the stock, and Apple the company. You might think they’re both the same thing, but you’d be an idiot. Apple innovates up cool stuff and sells it by the metric shit-ton. AAPL is going to fail, usually because Apple can’t innovate anything.

Frequently this cognitive dissonance passes as analysis. It usually starts with Apple announcing or not announcing some product. In the old days, Apple had to introduce a product for it to suck. The original iMac sucked because it didn’t have a 3.5″ disk drive. The original iPod sucked, just because Apple. Those were products that Apple actually introduced before everybody agreed they sucked. And if you go back and look, you can get a track record of who to go to for information on how Apple products will perform in the future. Now, at this juncture I’m just talking about Apple the company.

Over the years, the punditbots have changed the product names of the Apple stuff that sucks and that isn’t innovation. They all shout the same stuff into the same echo chamber. There are a few outliers, but they are statistical anomalies in excess of six standard deviations from the mean. You might wonder why I don’t add links to reference this. Try, and see what you find. Just type “Apple sucks” into any search engine except Google, because screw Google.

Apple the company, despite everything you’re likely to read, keeps building stuff and selling it faster than it can build it.

Dear Apple Punditbots,

You’re wrong. You’re stupid. You’re unoriginal.


The brain cell that was responsible for reminding you to zip up your pants for the meeting yesterday.


As the stock price of AAPL has gone up continuously for the last sixteen years, fundtards have learned how to read punditbots. The fundtards all have iPhones because they don’t want to be out of style, but they still echo the punditbots’ doom and gloom about how Apple can’t innovate because Tim Cook is not Steve Jobs. Then they add marketshare Windows Android Google marketshare Samsung Xiaomi marketshare LG marketshare marketshare, all with the requisite stockmarketese (leveraged buyout. and bayseian inference, and quantize, etc.) Anyway, the result is about the same.

Neither the punditbots nor the fundtards get Apple.

The sum of the parts is huge. The sum of the parts is dwarfed by the whole. Steve Jobs saw the death of hard media coming when he came back to Apple in 1997. It’s possible to have a degree in computer science right now and to have never used magnetic media to save a file. A child born in the last couple of years may never see a piece of plastic used to transport media. Apple did that.

You can argue with that if you want to be wrong. After all, it’s a free country.

Now the  Watch is coming and the punditbots and fundtards are once again announcing the death of Apple.

The  Car hasn’t even been mentioned, much like the iPod before it. It’s going to kill Apple.

Apple is doomed.


I’m buying.



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 Car  Car  Car  Car  Car

February 23rd, 2015 · General Detritus

The  Car. Project Tight’un. Poaching Tesla employees. Phantom vehicles festooned with cameras and sensors roaming the streets. Apple has enough money to buy Tesla and Ford. Jony Ive loves cars, so the  Car is a no brainer.

Of course Jony Ive has a thing for cars. He’s a normal guy with a weapons-grade stash of simoleons. If I had his money, my money wouldn’t be worth calling a rounding error. Also, if I had his money, I’d have a Sunny Day car, a Cloudy Day Car, a Rainy Day Car, and a spare car for each day of the week. And not one of them would be a Camry or a Fusion.

That does not indicate to me that he’s certainly designing a car. I’ll bet Phil Schiller and Tim Cook and the whole rest of the executive team have the cars they want.

Then, on the other hand, most cars built today suck. And by “suck” I mean they don’t measure up to the standards that Apple sets with its products. The fit and finish is decidedly poor, even in “luxury” cars. Seams, gaps, imperfections, digital dashboards that require the owners manual to be open for things that should just happen.

I’m not going to commit one way or the other. I know. In the last entry I said it was all bulljets. I’m reconsidering, now. Maybe, just maybe there’s something to it. If Apple could make a car to Apple’s exacting standards it would rock. My dream Apple car would be a roadster. I love me some roadster. I have a Pontiac Solstice right now that I’ve had for a few years.

Note the lack of trim, the clean lines. The fit and finish isn’t perfect and there are flaws in the design, but it’s might pretty.



This is what I want the  car to beat. Ferrari and Lotus and Lamborghini are okay, but they cost too fecking much. Something like my Solstice that runs on unicorn piss, causes anything Samsung in a five-mile radius to play Kanye West songs, and costs less than $40k new. I want one. Now. Jony: void or vacate the commode.


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Just a Couple of Things

February 17th, 2015 · General Detritus

I saw this in Forbes, today. The question in the headline reads, “Should Apple Scrap Its Watch?”

When the headline ends in a question mark, the correct answer is always, “No.”

The guy who typed the the hit-whore click-bait went on to use the tired cliche that Apple can’t innovate because Tim Cook. Then he said, “natter, natter, natter, project Titan. Apple building a car is stupid, too.” Apple isn’t building a car. Apple getting into the car business makes about as much sense as Oscar Mayer opening a string of fitness centers.

The whole meme started a few days ago about Apple getting into the car manufacturing business. It’s bullshit.

The guy goes on to recite trite crap on Apple doom that’s already been proven over and over again to be meaningless drivel.

What a butt.

Then there’s this. Apple Inc. to Buy Tesla for $75 Billion in 18 Months – Cancans.

Let me reiterate. Apple doesn’t need the car business. Apple needs to sell soft-serve ice cream cones. That’s pure profit. Pure. If you have a soft-serve machine, you can make an ice cream cone for about a dime including the cone and sell it for a buck and a half. That’s what I’m talking about.

The name of the site is Value Walk. Just exactly what the hell does that even mean? I get email from a site called “Vision to America.” I don’t get that, either.

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If You Care

February 10th, 2015 · General Detritus

I care. I’ve been investing in Apple for 16 years. I bought 100 shares of AAPL in 1999 for about $2000.00. If I had never sold any of those shares, there would now be 2800 shares and they would be worth $336,000.00 That’s pretty good. I wish I’d bought more and I wish I still had those original shares. I’ve read analysts and tech pundits and technical traders for the entire time. Mostly telling me I should sell. Take my profits and run.

Apple is doomed. DOOMED.

There are a couple of articles in Forbes that capture my investment philosophy vis a vis AAPL here, and here.

AAPL just jumped up a couple of bucks today on news that they’re doing a deal with First Solar to build an $850,000,000.00 solar array south of San Francisco. First Solar (FSLR) also jumped a bunch. That’s pretty close to a billion bucks FSLR is going to get paid next year. For those of you who think about such things, this would be a great time to buy some FSLR. And it’s always a good time to buy some AAPL.

Just saying.


Now let’s go look at some specific products, shall we?

iOS 9 is coming, but not until after iOS 8.3 and iOS 8.4 and possibly iOSes 8.5 through 8.37  or possibly 8.42. Any minute now.

According to all the sites I’ve read, and I’ve read a few. I’m retiring in four weeks, so all I’m doing at work is finishing up stuff I already started. No developing new material, nothing that requires any deep abiding love of company or country, just being to work on time and teaching the classes that are already developed. I’m reading the innertubes. Anyway, there’s going to be an iOS 9. Can you believe it? iOS 8 is not the ultimate smartphone operating system. There’s going to be a 9. I’m flabbergasted, frankly.

According to rumors – not Rumours. That’s a Fleetwood Mac album, and that album all by itself should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame along with the Moody Blues who will be inducted before I ever give the thing an ounce of merit. Green Fucking Day is in the HOF and the Moody Blues are not? Whoever makes those decisions is an idiot. If it’s a  committee, they’re all thumb-sucking, crayon-eating, helmet-wearing, window-licking passengers on the short bus, but I digress – iOS 9 will not come with a boatload of new features, it will just be more stable.

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The Super Bowl Redux

February 2nd, 2015 · General Detritus

The Super Bowl was an excellent game. The Boston Extremists and the Washington State Mythical Birds played to a near draw until one of the two teams screwed up. The wrong team, as it turns out, screwed up, thus dashing my prediction of the outcome onto the wave-swept, jagged rocks below.

Oh well. It was still a good game.

I have to go find a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label to pay a wager on the outcome. It was a good bet.

In other news….

Flash sucks. Every day, more and more hacks show up making Flash suck even worse. YouTube now defaults to HTML5 format on videos. It looks like Steve Jobs was right again.

Go figure.

The Apple/IBM partnership is looking interesting. Remember all that talk for years about Apple getting into Enterprise? Weird. IBM is getting Apple into Enterprise. The thing that makes it cool is that IBM is doing it on purpose. Once upon a time, IBM was the evil empire – the windmills Steve Jobs tilted at. Now IBM is just another Apple business partner. Microsoft is in line next.

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